Love, Relationships

When is it appropriate to ask for cable ties?

So, I am navigating the whole new relationship thing. Like so new that I’m not even sure it’s OK to say it’s a relationship because it’s just the part of checking all that out. It’s the whole post gap year/I may have possibly called in the one/how the hell do you date anyway freak out going on and there is so much to say about it, but how do you talk about something that he’ll probably read, in a public context without freaking out?

So lets just pretend I’m not doing that. I’m just writing in my totally private diary about this thing and you are all not reading this (and if you are him and you’re reading this can you pretend this is not about me and you and just a blog you find interesting by random chick on the Internet? Awesome. We’re clear then.)

It’s progressing slowly, but nicely. Some of his most attractive qualities include being kind, functional and nice. And by attractive I mean BURNINGLY HOT. I am laughing at the fact that for so long they were not necessarily qualities I associated with hotness, but at 40 I think it’s about time I got some quality into qualities of hotness. It’s fairly obvious that many (read most) of my previous choices did not include kind, functional and nice. Functionality. Totally lacking.

Anyhoo, I’m just navigating all of that. New stuff. And trying not to be complete dork about it. Even though by the fact I am writing about it means I’m ridiculously dorky. I will try to be cooler, maybe in my next post?

So then, my question is, at what point is it appropriate to ask new love interest (oh fuck I said love really early on in this piece) if he has cable ties. Via text. How do you even negotiate anything via text? How do you work out what it means? If it’s an auto correct or if he really meant “chic fidget”? If your tone is being received appropriately. How winky is a winky face? How did we used to find out stuff about people before Facebook? When do you start doing ‘x’ at the end of messages? How many x’s is too many?

So cable ties. Via text. At 8am because that was the moment I realised I needed them urgently. He’s a man, so I presume that he does have them because they are a manly thing to have, but is it dodgy that I asked if he had them, or is it more dodgy that he straightaway said yes? Is it inappropriate to go pick them up and exchange them for lunch or weird that he brought me a whole new packet of 100? What does this mean? Women think about this stuff all the time.

I used 2. It was for the highly appropriate job of fixing a fence. So now I have 98 spare cable ties at my house. Should I return them? Make a plan to use them? Suggest we watch 50 Shades of Grey together now that gap year has ended and I can talk about it without gagging (for it)?

It’s all very fun. I am being slightly facetious, but it is a known fact that women think about what men are thinking about more than men even actually think. Apparently. Cable ties are the least of my problems. There’s a whole lot more navigating ahead that is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.

Can someone, just someone give me some hot tips on this? I won’t listen, and I’ll do my own thing anyway, but it would be amusing to hear the hot tips for navigating new relationships from all the wise and wonderful people I know. Tell me, Please tell me. Is it ever OK to say “chic fidget” in a text?

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